Reflections on my 40th birthday 💗🧡❤️

On July 25, I turned 40 in the midst of the warmth and thoughtfulness of my beautiful family ❤️💗🧡

Over the last years as I watched friends and people I follow start this new decade, the general message has been that they were ready and excited to be forty.

But somehow, I didn't share their exuberant feelings when it came to my own 40th birthday.

If I’m honest, over the last year I've often felt sad about turning forty.

At first, I didn’t really understand why. My 30s were wonderful and fulfilling.

On my 30th birthday, my husband proposed to me and we had an epic wedding followed by the birth of our three incredible children.

I’m lucky to be in great health, I adore my work, and I love my life. Sure, there are things I’m working on but overall I’m so grateful and content in this season.

So why did I feel sad?

When I sat with my sadness and felt into it, what I started to hear is that I felt a deep sadness about time passing by so fast.

Wasn't I just 30?

How could 10 years have passed by?

How is it possible that I am married with 3 children and a house when I was *just* still partying with my girlfriends in the glory of NYC's nightlife not worrying about anyone but myself?

How do I have a son who will be 10 in 2 short years?

WHERE DID TIME GO?

And so over this last year, I let myself feel my sadness.

I simply sat with it and made space to feel that deep desire to stop time, that intense yearning to grasp and hold on to all the sweetness –young love, fresh babies, smooth skin to name a few– that encapsulated my 30s.

And then I realized that the only way to slow down time is by slowing down myself enough to be really present, by truly enjoying all the precious moments.

In other words:

WE CANNOT SLOW DOWN TIME, THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS MAKE SURE WE ENJOY IT.

I truly believe that when you are plugged into joy and presence, your life flows a little slower.

So now that I’m actually 40, I still feel a quiet tinge of that sadness, but I also feel so damn clear about all the things that really matter to me in this season.

I feel so clear on what my priorities are and how I want to formulate my days and weeks and months and years so that the time I get is soaked up well.

And, I also know the personal challenges I’m wrestling with that at times darken my spirit. Some call for resolving or releasing while some, I’m learning, might just be there… and that’s ok.

So, here I am 💗 40 💗 ! Bring on life and I’ll try my best to bring all my JOY and all my PRESENCE.

First name, what thoughts come up for you about your age or the phase of life you are in?

Are you content and satisfied or is something missing?

How can you bring clear intention into your experience of being alive?

How can you bring presence and joy?

Sending you extra much love at the onset of my new decade.

Love,

Caroline

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