Who I used to want to be vs. who I strive to become now

Today, I want to take an honest look (which also means putting myself into a vulnerable place) and share with you a little something I journaled about privately the other day when I thought about how my vision for myself has changed from my early 20s to now, my mid-30s.

I left it unedited. So this feels open and raw.

Truth be told, I feel sad and also a little embarrassed about openly sharing how I used to want to be, but I also know that I am not the only one and that many women can probably resonate with it.

What feels more important to me was GETTING CLEAR and WRITING OUT and DECLARING who I strive to become now.

I would love to invite you to do the same.

Are you paralyzed by expectations?

Are you paralyzed by expectations?

It’s time for real talk because I have been watching something unfold in women’s lives and it has to finally stop.

The thing that is becoming so crystal clear to me is that women of all ages are faced with expectations that are paralyzing.

It truly doesn't matter if I talk to women in their teens or women in their 60s, women who are mothers or women who aren't, women who have successful careers, are entrepreneurs, or women who have chosen to dedicate their time and effort else-where.

The expectations these women face come from society, families, schools, jobs, friendships, instagram, magazines, previous generations… and eventually, we internalize these expectations and cruel messages and they become our own inner voice.

Now the darkness of perfectionism suddenly lives within us.

Let's celebrate our INVISIBLE work today

Before I became a mom myself, I had no idea that there is an entire sea of a labor force out there doing invisible, free, under-appreciated work 24/7.

Yes, I am talking to you my fellow moms as well as care-takers like my aunt who is dedicating her sole focus on caring for my 94-year old grandmother.

Before I became a mom myself, I had no idea how intense the job of a mother can be; how serious, how exhausting, how physically and emotionally demanding.

You are always being guided. Even when it doesn't feel like it.

You are always being guided. Even when it doesn't feel like it.

I’m writing to you from Sweden today. We are visiting my in-laws.

The boys just went fishing with their dad and granddad (farfar in Swedish). Their squeals of excitement are still ringing in my ears, filling my body with sparkles of joy.

The clouds are high in the sky; mostly white with a few speckles of grey. The sun is peaking through on occasion. It might rain soon. Typically the wind irritates me, but today the wind has a soft, caressing quality. It feels nice on my skin. Even the occasional goosebumps don’t bother me.

I sat down to do some writing, to connect with you, because, even though I don’t know most of you personally, I miss you.

I know this might sound strange. Sometimes I think that this whole online world –writing a blog and running a virtual business– is so odd.

NYC reminded me… + it’s my birthday

Today is my birthday, so I wanted to send you a special email about a few personal discoveries I have recently made and see if, by sharing them with you, you might gain some new insight as well.

I recently spent a week in NYC (if you’re curious, check out my instagram).

In case you don’t know, I used to live in NYC for seven years before moving to San Francisco. In fact, Raz and I went from boyfriend ad girlfriend to husband and wife and Felix was born while we lived in Brooklyn. Big milestones happened in the arms of NYC.

Returning to my old stomping grounds (with two kids in tow), I realized a few things:

2 steps to better hormones, more energy & a lighter mood

2 steps to better hormones, more energy & a lighter mood

Do you know that nearly 80% of women suffer from some kind of hormonal imbalance resulting in a slew of physical and mental health challenges?

When we hear “hormonal imbalance” most people think of thyroid disorders (hypo- or hyperthyroidism, Hashimoto, or Graves disease), PCOS, amenorrhea, endometriosis etc.

However, there is a whole host of other, more subtle hormonal imbalances that are making life unpleasant for so many women. These include, for example, estrogen dominance, low estrogen, luteal phase defect, thyroid levels that are borderline, or cortisol levels that are off or symptomatic of adrenal fatigue.

She said: "Caroline, I feel bloated, emotional, and irritated"

She said: "Caroline, I feel bloated, emotional, and irritated"

Afterwards, a woman came up to me and said "Caroline, I love everything you shared and identify with so much of what was talked about tonight, but I just feel so bloated, emotional and irritable after having my second child that I feel like I just cannot focus on doing all the work I know I need to do to move forward."

Ahh yes! 

Whenever I start working with a new client, I assess where they are: Is their ground solid, stable and balanced and are they ready to start envisioning, creating, and actively building the life they want? Or, is their base shaky and needs to be stabilized first?

Are you tired of being under construction?

Are you tired of being under construction?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “enoughness.”

Lately it has become so crystal clear to me that people –and women in particular– are chronically driven by the idea that somehow they are not enough, don’t do enough, aren’t successful enough, aren’t thin enough, beautiful enough, valuable enough…

The struggle for more, better, and thinner in order to then (hopefully) be happy, is real.

But what if we finally said “ENOUGH!”

You are the SUN

I’ve been solo parenting this week because my husband is in NYC for work.

In general, single mommy-ing it this week went really well and the boys and I had a great time. And then there were those 2-3 times where both boys had meltdowns, tugging at the same toy, screeching, throwing food, I got frustrated and yelled, everyone freaked out and we ended up on the floor taking slow breathes and saying our “I’m sorry!”s and “I love you”s.

Over the last few days, I remembered one of the most important lessons in my journey of motherhood so far: I, as the parent and the mother in particular, set the emotional tone in my family.

Is your weight/ body making you feel LESS VALUABLE?

Is your weight/ body making you feel LESS VALUABLE?

Over the years of working intimately in the space of women’s inner lives (their fears and desires), their hormonal health, their relationships, their career changes, the welcoming of babies, the transition into motherhood and so many more common and unique scenarios, I know one thing for sure:

The way we feel in our bodies matters.

In fact, it’s huge.

When a woman feels good in her body, the way she shows up in the world shifts dramatically.

Neither you nor your kids have to rush all the time

I know that you and I are both aware of this: the rushing, the increasing busy-ness of life, the never-ending to-dos…

Have you ever paid attention to how much you use the words “really quick,” “just 2 minutes,” “hurry,” “fast” and how much you use them with yourself AND with your kids?

I hadn’t even noticed how much this “rush-centered” vocabulary had snuck into my everyday language and my everyday way of being until my husband pointed it out to me about a year ago:

Do you belong where you currently are?

Do you belong where you currently are?

This post is emerging from my deepest parts, because I have been asking, wondering, questioning about where I belong for a while now.

Born in Sonoma Valley, CA.

Raised in Germany.

Moved from coast to coast numerous times; the Bay Area, Boston, NYC, Austin - you are all familiar to me.

I find myself tired of looking for a home that FEELS like home. And yet, I cannot imagine not to belong, not to feel resonance with the earth I live on and the people I live next to. Surrendering that search does not feel like an option to me.

Emily's marriage was slowly dying. Here's how she turned it around.

Emily's marriage was slowly dying. Here's how she turned it around.

I’m sharing this story with you with full permission and encouragement from a former client who remains a dear acquaintance today and serves as a passionate advocate for women and mothers. Her name and all other names in this story have been changed, but her story is real.

I received an email from Emily a few months after she had her second baby. In her email she shared with me that she felt overwhelmed, often teary-eyed and what felt like “overly emotional.” She was unsure what she wanted to do with her career – did she want to scale back? Or maybe, stay at home full time? What would that mean for the family’s finances?

She wrote “I feel like I cannot get a grip on anything, including myself.”

The recipe for happiness

The recipe for happiness

When people come to coaching, it's usually because they're at a crossroads of some sorts. Something in their life isn't working. Some people may be dissatisfied in a particular area, others experience an overall unhappiness that they cannot quite pinpoint. 

Whatever the case may be, everybody has a wish -and a deep-seated hope!- for more happiness. 

Today, I want to share with you the recipe FOR happiness. This is a concept I adapted from Tony Robbins and it is profound, and yet, very simple. 

What the heck is seed cycling? And, can it help you?

What the heck is seed cycling? And, can it help you?

Have you heard about seed cycling?

If not, in a nutshell, seed cycling is a tool used to help regulate your hormones.

It is an amazing, yet gentle tool that I have taught to many of my clients to help them balance their hormones– no matter what stage they are in (period problems during their reproductive years, pre-pregnancy/ enhancing fertility, post-hormonal birth control, postpartum, pre-menopause, or even post-menopause).

Personally, I just started seed cycling (again), because I finally weaned Hendrix completely a few months ago and with that, my period returned.

Let's talk about working out

Let's talk about working out

Do you love it? Hate it?

Are you a cardio person? A weights person? A walker? A swimmer?

Someone who likes to sweat or hates to sweat?

Do you like the gym, prefer classes, or being in nature?

Has the way you exercise changed since becoming a mom? Do you get more or less exercise? Do you like different kinds of movements after your pregnancy?

And how do you feel about that? Do you accept it, are secretly relieved you can “blame” your kids for not having enough time to hit the gym, or do you miss it more than anything in the world?

Are your hormones working FOR you? My story.

I was 29 when I stopped taking hormonal birth control. I assumed my period would just start again within a few weeks. I was healthy and young. But, a few months later, my period was still nowhere in sight.

I waited a few more month, but still nothing…. for a looooong time.

I started to feel concerned. Scared even. Nervous what it would mean about my fertility, my ability to have children.

What was happening to my body? Had I forgotten how to build hormones? Was I infertile now?