Resistance & Feeling Stuck
Earlier today I found myself on the couch with my youngest. Her preschool called mid-morning letting me know that she was having a tummy ache, so I picked her up early.
I'm sharing this with you for two reasons:
1. I know how many of you have been IN IT with all kinds of sicknesses this winter. My house is no exception. I know how stressful this is for many families. The unpredictability in your schedule, the hiccups in your availability, the canceled meetings, the hassle of rescheduling, the tension that often brings to many relationships… it's a lot!
2. When I first had kids, these constant hiccups in our schedule threw me through a hard loop. It was the opposite of the well-oiled machine I pictured myself creating. It was the opposite of that magical flow feeling I craved. Instead, the stop-and-go life with kids –especially in the winter months– felt messy and unpredictable. A remote cough would send me spiraling into anxious thoughts about how I'd get everything done if one of my sweet kids needed to stay home.
The truth is that I was caught in a values conflict: I didn't like rescheduling my clients (I pride myself in dependability), but I also wanted to be with my kids when they felt sick. As a result, I felt squeezed into a space where two of my values were colliding.
It took me a while (and probably my kids to grow a little older) to let go of that deep seated, gut-level stress response and to just surrender into what is and deal with it more level-headed.
What I learned is this:
The truth is that there are so many things in all of our lives that are simply out of our control, there are many times two or more of our values collide. What makes these situations so difficult, however, is often not the out-of-control-thing that happened, but our RESISTANCE to it.
Resistance to what is, creates a lot of pain and stress, because no matter how you twist it, you cannot win. You cannot argue with what simply is and so resistance only makes it worse.
Imagine you are trying to cross a wild river, but the bridge is broken. Would you stand in front of the bridge and yell at it, resisting the fact that it's broken? No, you might be annoyed, but you'd surrender to the fact that the bridge is broken and would find another way to get to where you'd like to go. You see, spending energy and time on resistance is pointless. It doesn't fix anything and only wastes your time and energy.
Take a moment here and ask yourself:
Is there something in your life you are resisting?
How much energy are you spending feeling stuck?
Some things my clients often resist include…
… certain family relationships, dynamics, and expectations
… aging and having a body/ face that is changing
… where they are in their career and deciding on their next steps
Usually, when people feel stuck, there is resistance that needs to be worked through in the form of surrender!
(By the way, SURRENDERING to me is not giving up… it's quite the opposite: it's acknowledging what's not working so you can be FREE to try something different. It's a form of getting out of your own way.)
Surrendering can take many different forms, but it always starts with AWARENESS.
→ Awareness that you feel resistance.
→ Awareness that you are currently expending your precious energy on fighting an un-win-able battle.
Once you have that awareness and can surrender, you can look at your resistance and decide on what you want to do instead.
The truth is that resistance is a heightened emotional state. It's a very somatic and charged experience that lives inside of your body.
When you become aware of it, you can release it from the depths of your body and bring it upward where you can look at it from a more logical and even-keeled perspective. And that is where you regain your power and equip yourself to make a decision that will actually serve you going forward.
Over to you:
I'd love to know what you are feeling stuck with?
Where in your life are you experience resistance to what is?
What would you like to surrender?
If you're interesting in coaching to help you get unstuck and define your path forward, you can submit a form for a free consultation here.
Warmly,
Caroline
PS: Coaching consultations are NOT binding. They are simply a way for us to connect so we can see if coaching might be helpful for you. Simply submit this form (takes 2 minutes 🌸)