Offering your most generous interpretation
Last Saturday was one of those glorious days:
everyone slept well
the kids were in a great mood
I was on top of your parenting game
the sun was out
laughter echoed through my house
I glanced at my husband with sparkly eyes wondering why I ever thought parenting was difficult.
Then Sunday rolled around and the pages had turned. Everyone was whining and bickering… you know, all the things.
I escaped to the bathroom and found myself desperate-searching for one of Dr. Becky’s podcasts on how to get my kids to listen. 😅
(*Sidenote: If you don’t know Dr. Becky’s podcast Good Inside, I HIGHLY recommend it. She has been such an inspiring voice in my parenting journey and always grounds me back into who I really want to be in my kids’ lives. Plus, she always equips me with some incredible tools that honor the boundaries I set in my house while leading with compassion and empathy.)
The golden nugget I gathered from Dr. Becky’s podcast that day is this:
Offer your most generous interpretation.
I instantly loved it.
I paused and thought:
Maybe instead of repeating to myself “why are my kids so crazy?” (the least generous interpretation) and feeling like I am melting down with them, I could step back and take a bigger view on the situation: we had an incredible but busy day the day before with more activities coming up that day, it was full moon and nobody slept that great, it was a grey morning and my own energy also didn’t feel particularly sunny.
By stepping back and reminding myself to offer my most generous interpretation, my view expanded and I had space for empathy and alignment instead of judgement and opposition.
I took a few deep breathes and could feel my own energy shifting.
I returned downstairs, sat down next to my kids and shared my observations about the previous and current day. They nodded and shared their parts. We realigned and while our Sunday didn’t turn into an effortless day, I stayed in an empathetic place and we made it through by opting for cuddling on the couch, watching a movie and having an easy dinner.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because I believe that we can apply this concept of “offering our most generous interpretation” to nearly everything and everyone in our lives, but especially in our relationships to loved ones and ourselves.
For example, the next time you judge your partner for having dropped the ball on something, instead of reacting with blaming and shaming, pause for a moment and remind yourself to explore what the most generous interpretation would be.
You are not letting them off the hook. You are still holding an expectation and you can give voice to your disappointment. But by offering a more generous interpretation, you can lead with more empathy which will lead to greater results and an aligned approach to trying better next time.
I don’t know about you, but I personally would really want my husband to give me his most generous interpretation when I mess up –not only because feeling judged and blamed by someone I love feels awful, but because I am much more likely to rise to the occasion with a generous heart myself next time.
Another example where offering your most generous interpretation is really important is, you guessed it, WITH YOURSELF.
In my years of working closely with hundreds of women, I know how easily so many of you offer themselves only the least generous interpretation. And it’s just not fair.
So, next time you are tearing yourself down with the intensity of a magnifying glass, remember to offer yourself your most generous interpretation.
Instead of saying “I look awful” you might want to take a step back, reconsider, and say “I am sorry! What I meant to say is that I look tired because I am tired and that I am taking this as a sign to take better care of myself.”
Apply this to any other area where you are really hard on yourself.
Doesn’t that sound so much better and like the kind of nurturing, loving, and productive relationship you’d want with yourself?
I know you can make this shift by practicing offering your most generous interpretation.
I recommend writing this down and keeping it somewhere where you can remember it easily.
It won’t be perfect.
We will all mess this up, but then we come back and we repair and do better.
That’s life in nutshell, isn’t it;)
With love as always.
Caroline