Thanksgiving is around the corner (at least if you are in the U.S.) so what is more fitting than a little conversation on boundaries with all that family (& their MANY opinions;)) gathering around.

In my work as a coach, I often talk to my clients about boundaries. It seems like with every life change or personal evolution, we need to reconfigure our boundaries… often, this is easier said than done.

In my experience, many women know they need better boundaries while others are confused by the concept but tell me that they feel exhausted, often frustrated, stretched too thin, and like they never have time for themselves.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I went through a period –like many of us– where I felt very critical, concerned and confused about how I was perceived by others, how I looked, and what my purpose in life was.

To be honest, I felt very lonely for a few years.

Within a few short years, I had gone through back surgery for herniated disks, had somewhat abruptly ended the path I was on to become a doctor, and began a MA program in Counseling Psychology, which was immensely healing in some ways while painful and emotionally challenging in others.

It’s time for real talk because I have been watching something unfold in women’s lives and it has to finally stop.

The thing that is becoming so crystal clear to me is that women of all ages are faced with expectations that are paralyzing.

It truly doesn't matter if I talk to women in their teens or women in their 60s, women who are mothers or women who aren't, women who have successful careers, are entrepreneurs, or women who have chosen to dedicate their time and effort else-where.

The expectations these women face come from society, families, schools, jobs, friendships, instagram, magazines, previous generations… and eventually, we internalize these expectations and cruel messages and they become our own inner voice.

Now the darkness of perfectionism suddenly lives within us.

I’m writing to you from Sweden today. We are visiting my in-laws.

The boys just went fishing with their dad and granddad (farfar in Swedish). Their squeals of excitement are still ringing in my ears, filling my body with sparkles of joy.

The clouds are high in the sky; mostly white with a few speckles of grey. The sun is peaking through on occasion. It might rain soon. Typically the wind irritates me, but today the wind has a soft, caressing quality. It feels nice on my skin. Even the occasional goosebumps don’t bother me.

I sat down to do some writing, to connect with you, because, even though I don’t know most of you personally, I miss you.

I know this might sound strange. Sometimes I think that this whole online world –writing a blog and running a virtual business– is so odd.

Do you know that nearly 80% of women suffer from some kind of hormonal imbalance resulting in a slew of physical and mental health challenges?

When we hear “hormonal imbalance” most people think of thyroid disorders (hypo- or hyperthyroidism, Hashimoto, or Graves disease), PCOS, amenorrhea, endometriosis etc.

However, there is a whole host of other, more subtle hormonal imbalances that are making life unpleasant for so many women. These include, for example, estrogen dominance, low estrogen, luteal phase defect, thyroid levels that are borderline, or cortisol levels that are off or symptomatic of adrenal fatigue.

Afterwards, a woman came up to me and said "Caroline, I love everything you shared and identify with so much of what was talked about tonight, but I just feel so bloated, emotional and irritable after having my second child that I feel like I just cannot focus on doing all the work I know I need to do to move forward."

Ahh yes! 

Whenever I start working with a new client, I assess where they are: Is their ground solid, stable and balanced and are they ready to start envisioning, creating, and actively building the life they want? Or, is their base shaky and needs to be stabilized first?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “enoughness.”

Lately it has become so crystal clear to me that people –and women in particular– are chronically driven by the idea that somehow they are not enough, don’t do enough, aren’t successful enough, aren’t thin enough, beautiful enough, valuable enough…

The struggle for more, better, and thinner in order to then (hopefully) be happy, is real.

But what if we finally said “ENOUGH!”

Over the years of working intimately in the space of women’s inner lives (their fears and desires), their hormonal health, their relationships, their career changes, the welcoming of babies, the transition into motherhood and so many more common and unique scenarios, I know one thing for sure:

The way we feel in our bodies matters.

In fact, it’s huge.

When a woman feels good in her body, the way she shows up in the world shifts dramatically.

This post is emerging from my deepest parts, because I have been asking, wondering, questioning about where I belong for a while now.

Born in Sonoma Valley, CA.

Raised in Germany.

Moved from coast to coast numerous times; the Bay Area, Boston, NYC, Austin - you are all familiar to me.

I find myself tired of looking for a home that FEELS like home. And yet, I cannot imagine not to belong, not to feel resonance with the earth I live on and the people I live next to. Surrendering that search does not feel like an option to me.

I’m sharing this story with you with full permission and encouragement from a former client who remains a dear acquaintance today and serves as a passionate advocate for women and mothers. Her name and all other names in this story have been changed, but her story is real.

I received an email from Emily a few months after she had her second baby. In her email she shared with me that she felt overwhelmed, often teary-eyed and what felt like “overly emotional.” She was unsure what she wanted to do with her career – did she want to scale back? Or maybe, stay at home full time? What would that mean for the family’s finances?

She wrote “I feel like I cannot get a grip on anything, including myself.”

When people come to coaching, it's usually because they're at a crossroads of some sorts. Something in their life isn't working. Some people may be dissatisfied in a particular area, others experience an overall unhappiness that they cannot quite pinpoint. 

Whatever the case may be, everybody has a wish -and a deep-seated hope!- for more happiness. 

Today, I want to share with you the recipe FOR happiness. This is a concept I adapted from Tony Robbins and it is profound, and yet, very simple.