Self Quest: Do you feel lost at times?

This evening I am writing to you from a little wood patio in Sweden. I am tugged into a cozy blanket with some tea and feel such immense gratitude that we are able to come here (my husband's hometown) in the summer.

It is so quiet, gentle and peaceful (unless that Northern wind picks up… in that case, it feels like all the nordic gods have joined forces in a revolt against humanity 😅). But right now, it's absolute calmness, absolute beauty, absolute heaven.

I find that one of the greatest values of spending time in other places is that it shifts your frame:

• how you see the world

• how you see yourself

• how you think life should be lived

Over the last few years –really since Covid, having my third baby, and turning 40– I have had periods where I have felt pretty lost.

When I say lost, I mean that…

… I have felt less sure of myself

… “further away” from myself

… less certain about who I am meant to become or how I am designed to show up in the world. 

The central thread of my purpose and curiosities that I was following with such conviction and certainty in my 20s and 30s had become harder to see and intuit, trickier to grasp… slippery somehow.

Have you ever felt like that? 

Lost, farther away from yourself, uncertain about who you really are or meant to become?

In simple terms: 

If you recognize yourself, I want to offer you a few suggestions:

1. It's OK to be lost. Despite our society insisting that certainty and confidence should be constant states of our existence, I don't think that that's true or possible –particularly for people who want to explore themselves deeply and evolve throughout their life.
    

2. In fact, it's maybe even GOOD to be lost. What if feeling lost is simply the uncomfortable, vulnerable moment when you are standing there: naked in between a costume change.
   
   You have unbuttoned a way of being that no longer fits you, but you haven't quite figured out your next outfit. In the past you may have rushed into dressing yourself in anything at all –even if you hated how it felt– because the discomfort of vulnerability would have been too much. 
   
   But now, instead of rushing into choosing a piece you don't truly want on your body, you stand there: uncomfortable, vulnerable, lost, searching and waiting (however impatiently!) for something that will fit… for a path, a partner, a purpose, a community… that will fit YOU. 
   
   So… maybe feeling lost is good because it's a sign that you have matured, that you have grown, that you are willing to be uncomfortable for a while in exchange for something that's TRUE.
    

3. Look for clues, hints, signs and guidance in THE REAL WORLD –not just in your mind or online!
   
   For many of us, when we feel low or disconnected from ourselves, our tendency is to isolate, to zone out, to avoid… and so the downward spiral begins where you get stuck running in circles in your own mind (or on your phone).
   
   My advice would be to do the opposite: get out, meet people, expose yourself to new experiences, ask questions, walk with curiosity, let your intuition guide you and see what happens. What does the world have to show you?
   
   Once you've collected experiences IRL, then go home and sit with these new experiences and conversations in quiet, meditate on what you learned and saw, pay attention to how it felt to you, and listen to yourself. That is how your path will unfold.
    

4. Talk about what you are going through with people who are good at reflecting generously.
   
   A word of loving caution: Loved ones aren't always ideal to talk to about change because they love who you have been thus far. For them a change in you can feel scary (usually this happens on an unconscious leven). Further, your loved ones often want to keep you safe and change is often perceived as the opposite of safety.
   
   Instead, choose to talk with someone who is great at reflecting and asking deepening questions. Choose someone who can have a generous and prolonged conversation about you (instead of making it about themselves) and who isn't attached to a version of you that you have outgrown.
   
   The latter is one of the great powers of working with a coach. If you are curious about coaching with me, I will open up space for a small number of new clients later this summer. Learn more here and fill out this short form to get in touch. 
    

5. Know that you won't go from feeling “LOST” to feeling “FOUND” in an instant.
   
   It will likely take time. It will take a few adjustments and trials, but once you'd found yourself again, you will know. Be patient with yourself and remember to have your own back while you are in this evolution.
    

What about you? What has helped you when you feel lost?

With love as always, 

Caroline