Are your resolutions kind?
I hope you had a great start into 2019.
I celebrated with my husband, my boys, and my in-laws up on the Sonoma coast.
It was the perfect start into the new year for me: we took daily walks along the coast, spent ample time with the sun on our faces, breathing in fresh ocean air, and made the most delicious food. What does a mama need more?! ;)
(Go here to see more for more pictures of our trip)
On our trip I also had some time to think about my resolutions, goals and desires for 2019.
I always start that process by reflecting on the year that just passed first, so that I can understand what went well and where I felt like I didn't have space, time, or resources to feel a sense of success, abundance, and fulfillment.
I do both the reflecting and the setting of intentions and goals for 4 different areas:
Work
Love
Health
Play
If you don't have a strategy for reflecting and/or for goal & intention setting, then I HIGHLY recommend that you adopt one that you can repeat every year, so that you can see where you make progress, where you keep getting stuck, and what your patterns are.
I do this work with many of my private clients at the end/ beginning of each year and it's such a helpful tool to help us/ them stay on track and gain acute insight, awareness, and appreciation for themselves, all while building an accountability tool.
But, this email is really about one specific piece that I find CRUCIAL in order to make goal setting and resolution building successful and FUN: it's about rooting your goals, intentions and resolutions in kindness.
Here is what I mean by that:
Many people use guilt or shame as a motivator for their goals, but what I am passionate about teaching women is to use kindness, clarity and a positive connection to their desires to create changes as a motivator instead.
For instance:
If you want to lose weight this year, I want to encourage you to make your goal not just about the scale, the things you won't eat, and about all the things you are going to do TO your body. Instead I want you to think about all the things you are going to do FOR your body and your life to create an environment where you can achieve your goal.
What are your true inspirations for wanting to lose weight?
Do you want to feel more energized, agile, lighter in your body, stronger, clearer in your mind, more playful with your kids? Or maybe, you want to find a new way to care for your emotions if you find yourself emotionally eating often? If so, how exactly do you want to care for your emotions better?
Do you see the difference?
If you want to improve your marriage, for example, I want you to go beyond "I'll try to be nicer/ more patient/ more attentive/ less reactive or annoyed with my partner" and really dig in:
Why are you not the person you want to be in your marriage? Do you feel unsupported? Not appreciated enough? Do you need more space for yourself? Is your communication off? What do you miss that you once loved in your relationship? Are there ways you are not taking care of yourself that make you more reactive? Are there things you are not talking about with your partner that you need to address? Maybe you need to see a couples therapist to work through some built-up issues?
Do you see where I am going here?
I want you to go underneath the surface and get REALLY specific about what needs to happen in your life in 2019 so you can improve it, elevate it, and create lasting growth and deeper fulfillment.
And I want you to set these intentions, goals, or resolutions from a place of kind consideration of yourself, from a place of positive encouragement because you are a supporter of yourself –not a punisher, shamer, or scolder!
With love and wishing you a happy start into 2019!
Caroline
