My mother-in-law always says that if everything goes perfectly, you make no memories.  

Well… my husband and I just returned from a weekend away in Mexico City (our first trip away from the kids ever!) and we had the most incredible two days. And then, we got food poisoning 12 hours before we had to get on our flight back home. Suffice it to say, that we will never forget this trip 🤪

My point is this: there is no such thing as perfect and the relentless pursuit of it will exhaust you more than any temporary reward could uplift you. 

Instead, the quality of your life is a question of perspective and how you choose to build memories.

Every few days (sometimes daily depending on what season I am in), I start my day with pulling a card from a tarot or oracle deck. 

I've done this for years and I love this practice, because it ads an element of playfulness, depth, and inner aliveness to my life.

What I have found is that many of us crave depth and a close connection to ourselves… many of you “miss yourselves”… but, as you likely well know, our daily lives get so busy that we often stay on the surface, unsure how we can “drop in" and hear ourselves clearly.

If you follow me on instagram you know that we spent a large chunk of our summer in my husband's hometown in Sweden.

 It was there, during the quiet mornings, still tucked in under the covers with a chilly summer breeze making its way into the bedroom, seagulls chuckling outside, that I found my way back to my journal.

I used to journal a lot before having kids. Before time became scarce and my mornings busy.

My journal back then was a full on art project: filled with all my feelings and thoughts as well as drawings, poems and collages of images that spoke to me.

You may not know this about me, but I am a hobby artist. 

I've always enjoyed doing creative projects and over the last few years I have picked up my creative practice again with a greater commitment and more heart than I have in years.

And, it feels so good 😊

It brings me immense joy and inner peace to sit in front of a blank piece of paper and let my intuition guide me in creating something beautiful that also feels reflective of a feeling or inner experience I am having.

What you think is important in this moment, may be irrelevant for where you actually want to be.

Let me explain: 

We live in a society that is full of “calls to action” that sell us into over-doing, over-buying, over-eating, over-participating.

Let's be real: it's noisy out there and we are bombarded with messaging that wants us to believe that unless we participate, own and do all the things, we will fall behind, miss out, become unhealthy, age faster, aren't good enough parents… you get the picture.

On July 25, I turned 40 in the midst of the warmth and thoughtfulness of my beautiful family ❤️💗🧡

Over the last years as I watched friends and people I follow start this new decade, the general message has been that they were ready and excited to be forty.

But somehow, I didn't share their exuberant feelings when it came to my own 40th birthday.

If I’m honest, over the last year I've often felt sad about turning forty.

As I was organizing my thoughts for this email to you, my 8-year old son popped up next to me to snuggle. He asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was thinking about what it meant to fully participate in my life.

He got quiet and I could tell by his facial expression that he was taking in that question for himself. So I pulled him close and asked him what he thought “fully participating” in his life meant.

After a minute or so he said: “You try to make your life as good as you can. You don’t stay hidden, but you stand out.”

Have you ever felt the desire to fit in?

I bet you have.

I bet that nearly everyone has because fitting in promises a human need: SAFETY.

 Personally, I know this desire very well. When I first moved to the US as an exchange student at sixteen, I deeply wanted to look, sound, and “pass” as American as much as possible. I swapped my knitted sweaters for hoodies, my Euro-jeans for low-rise sweatpants, and even practiced saying “like” randomly in the middle of my budding English language skills 😆… ohhh, how I wish I hadn't.

There is a Swedish saying that recently came up in a conversation with my husband (who is from Sweden) when we were talking about our summer plans.

It's called "Känn lugnet" and means "Feel the calmness."

I love that there is a saying for this very simple yet often overlooked act. 

Before I get to the juice of today's email, can we just talk about how insanely busy the end of the school year is? If you are a parent and your head is spinning, let me tell you: You are NOT alone 🤪

Summer break, I am so ready for you 🙏🌸

Ok, on to today's topic: YOUR ENERGY

We all know those people who…

• seem to have an endless reservoir of energy

• are awake at the crack of dawn ready to take on the day

• ooze of creativity and cannot wait to implement new ideas

I am sitting on my patio in finally warm weather and am thinking about what Mother's Day actually means to me.

On my drive back from the gym this morning, I was blasting one of my favorite songs from my Joy Playlist (you can get it here on Spotify) and it hit me that my life feels so different –lighter, free-er, easier– today than it did last year.

Why?

Part of it is that my kids are a little older and that does make things easier.

And part of it is that I have evolved.

When I think about creating a really great life –a life where you are generally content and fulfilled and don’t take things (& yourself;)) too serious– I think about two things:

1. What’s in your way? What’s blocking you? What’s not working? What are the problems?

2. What do you need more of? What do you want to call in that is in authentic, honest alignment with YOU? What makes you joyful in this season of your life?

These two steps do not work in succession –as many falsely think!– they work in parallel.

In my last few posts, I explained WHY joy is a fundamental component for a successful and fulfilled life. Today’s note is about HOW to build more joy.

In order to do this, I created a 5-step framework which is exactly what I will take you through in my Joyful – On Purpose course that is starting in the week of October 10th! (Applications close on Thursday, 10/6)

To quickly recap:

I’m here to remind you that while most people think of joy as the reward at the end, I have found that actively building joy into your current life is your most powerful tool in creating an amazing, magnetic, and energized life.

In my years as a coach and mentor to hundreds of people, I have seen first hand that when joy is absent, people burn out, relationships become brittle, health and well-being suffers.

Do you carry the belief that your life has to be really good in order for you to have joy?

Maybe you tell yourself that joy will come when…

⟶ your marriage problems are resolved.

⟶ you have lost 10 pounds.

⟶ your back stops hurting.

⟶ your work slows down.

⟶ you get the promotion.

⟶ your kids sleep through the night.

⟶ your 4-year old won’t throw tantrums or your 15-year old can drive.

⟶ the pandemic/ economic crisis/ <insert any external event>… is over.

When I was getting my M.A. in Counseling Psychology (over 10 years ago now), I was deep into studying my dreams, exploring my unconscious thought and action patterns, understanding how my culture, family and upbringing have shaped who I am.

It was an intense, at times painful, but overall deeply healing experience for me that has profoundly shaped how I see myself, how I see others and what I believe is possible for everyone (the forever optimist 🙋‍♀️)

Above all, I learned that feeling really is healing (thank you, therapy!).

AND, I also learned that there comes a time in everyone’s journey when you simply have to accept your past and make a decision about how you want your future to unfold (thank you, coaching!).

I just returned from an incredible 2-day retreat. The greatest gift of the retreat for me has been an insane amount of clarity and determination on what I am here to teach.

Let me cut to the chase:

YOUR JOY ISN’T OPTIONAL.

If you really want to create an amazing life for yourself (and by extension, your family!) your joy needs to have a front-row seat.

What we get wrong so often is that we think that joy will be the reward after we do all the hard work.

We believe that if we push through, hustle harder, just wait a few more months… then joy will come.

It doesn’t work like that.

Last Saturday was one of those glorious days:

• everyone slept well

• the kids were in a great mood

• I was on top of your parenting game

• the sun was out

• laughter echoed through my house

I glanced at my husband with sparkly eyes wondering why I ever thought parenting was difficult.

Then Sunday rolled around and the pages had turned. Everyone was whining and bickering… you know, all the things.

One of the themes I have observed in my 10+ years in mentorship is that of women feeling trapped.

⟶ Trapped in motherhood (no matter how much you adore your kids).

⟶ Trapped in a job.

⟶ Trapped in a relationship.

⟶ Trapped by their age or their geography or family expectations.

⟶ Trapped by their own mind or body.

Have you ever heard someone say something along the lines of “I don’t have insane expectations of my kids. I just want them to be happy?” When I hear it (or say it to myself;)) I cannot help but think: “Oh, so you actually have the greatest expectation of all.”

What silently comes through in statement like this is that happiness should be easy, that not having any expectations, ambitious goals or pressures on you will make someone more likely to be happy.

I think this is false.

I believe that happiness is deeply connected to having purpose, feeling meaningful, feeling empowered, and seeing the value you contribute unfold into something useful, beautiful, or joyful.

Some days are just plain hard.

Some days you have a legit reason to feel down.

And some days everything is seemingly fine, but you still feel like crap.

C’est la vie.

But what we have to remember is that it’s not the bad day that gets us into dark places.

What gets us into low and lonely places is when we turn a hard day into a thing…