Over the years of working intimately in the space of women’s inner lives (their fears and desires), their hormonal health, their relationships, their career changes, the welcoming of babies, the transition into motherhood and so many more common and unique scenarios, I know one thing for sure:
The way we feel in our bodies matters.
In fact, it’s huge.
When a woman feels good in her body, the way she shows up in the world shifts dramatically.
This is true for how she shows up (or doesn’t) in her relationships/marriage, in her career, in her self-care routines… heck, it matters for how she walks down the street and engages with strangers in her every day life.
When we feel good, magic happens.
The problem is that, as women, we’re not really taught how to unconditionally love and accept ourselves and this is especially true for our bodies.
For most women, it’s easier to criticize, nag, and yes, hate! her body than it is to love, celebrate and really care for her regardless of her shape, size and weight.
Here are 4 common scenarios where women’s bodies are holding them back instead of elevating them:
I’ve worked with brilliant women who have incredible minds, but they couldn’t speak up with full confidence because they’ve been judged for their looks in the past and they cannot stop replaying that story in their head; therefore projecting it into the future and making it safer to stay quiet.
I’ve worked with women who desire deep intimacy and great sex, but they just cannot let go of their self-conscious feelings about how they might look naked.
I’ve worked with the kindest, most loving women who keep dating men who don’t treat them well. They say things like “I want to believe that there’s something better, but I’ve just never been a beautiful woman and have never gotten much attention from men. I’m scared that I will end up alone.”
I’ve worked with tons of mothers who tell me that their bodies are now “ruined” and that the fact that their husbands are much fitter than them (& often also make more money/ are the primary providers), makes them feel insecure, unattractive, and less valuable.
This is not acceptable.
And it needs to change.
I recently listened to a podcast by my good friend Anna Goldstein that was called “Body Image: Skinny doesn’t equal happy & how to love yourself regardless of your weight.”
The highlight of the podcast episode for me was the idea that as long as we attach our own value to things that are subject to change, we cannot win.
In essence, as long as we attach our own value to how our bodies look, our value inevitably will decline with age or, for many women, sadly because of pregnancy.
OMG! Revolutionary, right?
We need to see and feel our worth beyond the tightness of our stomach skin, the thickness of our hair, and the smoothness of our foreheads.
It’s time to make a shift and reclaim our worth so that it can last – SO WE CAN FEEL GOOD IN OUR BODIES THROUGHOUT OUR WHOLE LIFES.
So, here’s my challenge for you today:
DECLARE YOUR VALUE.
Name 3 things that make you a valuable person.
Where does your value come from?
How do you –at your core– really add value to this world?
Make sure that all the things you pick connect to your deeper essence and not only to things that can vanish or could be subject to change, like your looks or income.
I know this is a sensitive issue for many of us.
It feels sensitive to me, too!
But we got this!
I believe in you!
PS: Just to clarify, I am NOT saying that beauty doesn’t matter. It does and I love when I feel beautiful, but I AM saying that we cannot derive and define our value primarily through the lens of what our society currently defines as “beautiful.” We need to be stronger than that, bolder and bigger than that. Collectively, as women, we have to give each other permission and see and celebrate our beauty and value beyond our exterior.