Self-care doesn't replace THIS

I was lying on our living room floor the other day, surrounded by legos with both of my boys half crawling/ drooling on me, half trying to get me to sit up and build yet another train, monstertruck, tow truck… or whatever the vehicle of the hour was.

While I love the fact that I get the afternoons with my boys, I was exhausted.


I had a super busy morning work-wise, had just cleaned up the kitchen after yet another messy snack time (not to their fault, they ARE toddlers, but wiping the kitchen floor is just about my least favorite activity) and I had no interest in simulating car sounds, mimicking flying a helicopter, or have anything else to do with the legos that were creeping under our couch one-by-one never to be recovered again unless I lift up the whole damn thing.

And then it hit me. In the age where self-care is all the rage, we are forgetting something that is just as important in order to feel truly whole and well: BEING TAKEN CARE OF!

Self-care is active; initiated by you.

Being taken care of is passive; you are allowing something pleasant that is initiated by someone else to happen.

Let’s be honest, when you are a mom and you are taking care of everyone else, having to practice self-care (or INITIATE care for yourself!) can sometimes feel like another chore. Not an unimportant one and most often not an unenjoyable one, but still, it’s another thing on your to-do list.

Lying on the floor that day, I realized that what I really desire is for someone else to swoop in and take care of me, too.

I felt this overwhelming desire to have someone just take over, decide for me (I know this one is a risky thing to say in the age of female empowerment and independence, but it’s my truth), and take care of me, so that I can let my brain –more so even than my body!– relax.

Have you ever felt like that?

If so, here is what I want to encourage you to do (this is what I did):

  1. You have to have an honest conversation with the person you desire to be taken care of by and see if they are interested in meeting you in this way. Be as specific as you can about how you’d like to be taken care of. This can feel vulnerable, but I really want to encourage you to speak YOUR truth. You are not being a “princess” by asking to be taken care of. You are not saying you are not independent or strong or a total rockstar. In fact, speaking your truth is a sign of maturity and strength. You have permission to be a woman who is honest about her needs and desires. And don’t forget to invite the person you are having this conversation with to do the same with you. This is about becoming closer, more intimate, more trusted companions and partners who can support each other in feeling well in this life.

  2. You have to be open to receiving care that that other person is offering to you. This care might look different than what you pictured, but I want to encourage you to just focus on receiving the love and care that is being offered to you and reap it’s beauty and benefits. This is about letting yourself fall and trust that you will be caught. This is about gratitude, connection and receiving.

Having these kinds of conversations isn’t always easy, but I promise you that the more in touch you become with your own desires and your own needs, and the more you can speak them out loud, the more you will stand in your own fully expressed truth. AND NOTHING -literally nothing!- creates greater fulfillment and deeper alignment with your soul than that.

If you want to dive deeper into some key ways to replenish your energy, come along for my FREE October workshop called More Mama Energy. We will focus on ONE simple action step per week to refill your cup. I'd love to hang out with you :)