Are your hopes, goals and expectations making you unhappy?

You've probably heard me talk about the importance of goal setting, the power of hopes and manifestation, the emphasis on having high expectations of yourself and those you have a close relationship with.

Don't get me wrong, love, these are all enormously important factors in creating a fulfilling life for yourself. 

You must be clear on what you want, what you desire, what you strive for. 

The direction you want to take must be clear, so that you can follow a path versus wander around aimlessly.

 

BUT here is the problem:

When we talk about goals, when we set expectations, we often fall into one very dangerous trap.

This trap is called disappointment.

It happens when we become so deeply married to a very specific outcome that if it doesn't happen that way, we feel like we failed, our dreams get crushed, our confidence shatters. 

 

We equate the creation of a certain outcome (something that is always, at least partially, out of our control anyways) with our innate value and worthiness as a woman, a girlfriend, a wife, a mom, a student, a business owner ...

When we get married to our goals and expectations, we also become blind to everything else in life that is not calculated, "part of the plan," and determined by our will. 

In other words, we become rigid and inflexible. 

The magic is gone.

Surprise is impossible.

Joy and ease are absent.

We trust nobody but ourselves and at the slightest glimpse of goal-diversion, we loose that last little bit of trust in ourselves as well.

I've worked with so many women over the years who told me under heartbreaking tears that they thought they would have found love by now, gotten married to an incredible man, had started a family, gotten pregnant, made more money, had gotten more promotions.

The list of "failures" these beautiful women have shared with me is endless.

And I get it. I've been there myself.

I've spent way too much time looking at my life in my 20s with that disappointed glance, thinking "What the heck am I doing?"

Then I became a mom and I began coaching women through hormonal imbalances, pregnancy, and postpartum recovery and I realized how many women are struggling with accepting the kinds of births they've had, whether or not they were able to breastfeed, handling motherhood with grace and patience, being an attentive mom AND a present, loving wife at the same time.

The expectations of moms are insane in our culture and what I learned is that the opportunities to "fail" are ever-continuing, if we let them.

We need to discover a new way of looking at how we are mapping our path in life: we can have goals but they need to be handled more gently.

We can have hopes but we cannot lose trust if things turn out differently.

We can have high expectations, but we cannot tie our own worthiness to whether of not these expectations are met. 

To me, of course, it all comes back to balance:

We must find a way to connect our inner masculine, our yang (think: striving, competition, fire quality, go-getter, ambition, drive) with our inner feminine (think: receiving, connection, water quality, creativity, ease, letting go).

 

Here is what I want you to know, love: 

Your life can look a million different ways and you can be incredibly happy, fulfilled to the core, and so rich in your own experiences in all of them. There is no one way to live your life right and as long as you keep this close to your heart and rest in the belief that your life wants to be beautiful, good things will happen. 

Go out there!
Say what you think and feel! 
Have bold hopes and wishes! 
Be clear on your desires. 
Set ambitious goals. 

And then when things happen differently than you expected (which will inevitably happen!), ask yourself: how is this helping me?

The answer to this question may not be apparent right away, but trust me, the answer will be clear one day. 

Plus, you will retain your energy and you will be able to keep going for so much longer. And then, when the timing is right and the correct people and the best energies are in your life, things will work out just like they have to. 

Know in your heart that whatever is happening in your life is always happening FOR you. 

A new surprise will wait for you around the corner that you wouldn't have been able to imagine, manifest, or goal-set for ever!

Trust me on this one.

With lots of love,